


The Best Way To Forget

by distantvoicesjpg



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:07:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28997988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distantvoicesjpg/pseuds/distantvoicesjpg
Summary: A few weeks after the death of Alfons Heiderich, Edward confides in Noah about the loss when he realizes that she is suffering as well. Edward and Noah have a conversation about death, forgiveness, mysticism, and what it means to move forward. It lasts all night ;)TL;DR two affection-starved adults take a loss together. Through the bonding that ensues, they become incredibly comfortable around each other, but the closeness hits them fast.FYI this fic is an EXPLICIT study in intimacy. There's some talking in the beginning so if you don't want the NSFW content, you can just read that.
Relationships: Edward Elric & Noah, Edward Elric/Noah, Edward/Noa
Kudos: 6





	The Best Way To Forget

**Author's Note:**

> Notes:  
> Book referenced in the beginning and through the entire fic: War & Peace by Leo Tolstoy  
> Song referenced: I’ll See You In My Dreams by Isham Jones (1924)  
> Roma folklore referenced: căpcăun and vârcolac

‘For the human mind, the absolute continuity of motion is inconceivable. The laws of motion of any kind only become comprehensible to man when he examines units of this motion, arbitrarily selected. But at the same time, it is from this arbitrary division of continuous motion into discontinuous units that a great number of human errors proceeds.’ 

Huh. 

These days, the only place Ed could quiet his mind was within the solitude of his room. Following the death of Alfons, everything was still - silence, no sooner broken than spoken. Empty, dark hallways - limited interactions, nobody knowing quite what to say. The only wafting sound - a record player crackling through the apartment, muffled behind Noah’s bedroom door.

♫ Someone took you right out of my arms  
Still, I feel the thrill of your charms ♫

He lay at the edge of his bed with the longest book he could find in his hands. The burden of going from one burning world to another planted seeds in his mind hoping to grow roots in somewhere he could understand - hoping to cling on and never let go. 

He read the line again, this time out loud, “for the human mind, the absolute continuity of motion is inconceivable...”, he let out a derisory snort, “even in fiction you can’t stop”. 

He lay on his back, his head resting under the window-pane. He looked up, eyes quietly scanning the upside-down landscape before him. The hills kissed the sky. He never quite took to the decorative nature of this world, but he was now beginning to appreciate it. Everything seemed to move so slowly. There was something about the tick of a clock here, something about the flicker of a candle that made the darkness feel like perfect company; the wine, the whiskey, the women. It was a lonely world, and Ed was no different; though he didn’t mind - he’d gotten this far, and he didn’t have any use for loneliness anymore; there had been too many tears, too many nightmares, too many people he didn’t get to tell goodbye. Any more yearning, words left unsaid, or loss wouldn’t do anything but break an already broken man’s heart. But something was different about tonight. 

Continuous motion.

The record player continued spinning, crooning faintly,  
♫ Yes I will...see you in my dreams  
You know I'll...hold you in my dreams ♫

Creak. The music resonated louder as a door opened from Noah’s room. She crept to Ed’s room and pressed her ear to the wall, desperate to be let into his world. Much to her surprise, his door opened, and there they were - silent in the doorway. 

♫ I know that...someone took you right out of my arms  
But...still, I feel the thrill of your charms ♫

“I appreciate everything you both have done for me. He was so kind.”

“Yeah...”

“He did what all good men do before their work is finished - he died.”

“That depends on what your definition of ‘good men’ is. ‘Good men’ coerced and shot him, and this country worships them as heroes for it.”

“I didn’t mean for it to sound like that.”

Heat flushed to his face as she stepped inside. He extended out a hand, which she accepted as a letter and sealed at the small of her back. Ed had never been one for a dance, but human contact was something he was so deprived of that he didn’t even notice anymore, and maybe this was the first step in moving forward. Besides, they already had the music taken care of. He held her hand at his chest as she draped her other over his shoulder, and began to lead. There weren’t many circumstances in which he paid much mind to his metal leg as a nuisance, but being unable to glide in the right way became a challenge. Perhaps it’d always be too stiff for something like this. 

♫ I dream of...lips that once were mine  
And those...tender eyes that shine ♫

Sway to the left.

♫ I know...they'll light my way tonight  
When I...see you in my dreams ♫

Sway to the right.

“Everything ends with death”, he began, “it’s why I’m here... It’s the root of everything...” 

There was no point in diverting the conversation away, he had already let his mind runoff, wondering if her skin was soft in all the right places, how her hips would rock should they straddle his. Oh, how he wanted to move his hands away from her back and explore the rest of her body, but he wasn’t going to...she likely knew of his attraction to her and her gift would make sure of that. 

“Death is also a beginning”, she replied, “especially for you.” 

He stopped - not because he was stunned by her observation, but because he was surprised with himself. The fact that he was talking to her about this felt strange. He’d been so used to dealing with things on his own, but it wasn’t solely his loss this time. The only other person he’d felt this comfortable around was Winry, and though he’d recently seen her, he’d accepted the impossibility of their future together years ago. He didn’t feel guilty anymore for having finally moved on and accepting change. This was where he lived now, and he was speaking to a woman who looked remarkably like someone he once told to plant their feet in the ground. To keep moving. It was about time he followed his own advice.

Continuous motion.

“No, not here. Here”, he pulled a hand away from her back and pointed to his head, and then pulled her close to his chest. She embraced him hard and his arms wrapped around her shoulders. They were about the same height - 'okay, maybe she’s just barely taller', he thought to himself, 'that shouldn’t be a deciding factor. Give a guy a break!' In any case, he was glad he could still drape his arms around her and even more grateful she so readily let him. 

They stood there, still, in comfortable silence. She closed her eyes and let her breathing synchronize with his. This alone was enough. She thought perhaps realistically, they’d probably share some stories over a few drinks then retire to their separate bedrooms, ultimately feeling better that they both weren't alone in this loss. Still, she couldn’t help but feel the heat emanating from Ed’s body - a nervous sort of heat. She wondered how his face might look right now. As comfortable as she felt in his arms, there was a sort of tension, just a single sentence that could change everything. But the words would only help if he spoke them.

Ed stood there with her. For a moment they looked into each other's eyes, and what they thought impossible soon became inevitable. Should he continue? The night could go in either direction from here and if he made a mistake, it might be time to move back to Romania to save himself the embarrassment. 

Before he could decide, he felt her fingers start to push deep into him, massaging his upper-back. He eased into her touch.

“You know, I just wish I could’ve helped him more. I’m so angry with him. He was a good person, he just made the wrong decisions. All because he thought time was running out.”

She whispered into his ear, “Our time is always running out. Nothing is sacred. Death...it comes for everyone, and if you see him, you aren’t going crazy. Talk to him. It’s his spirit. He’ll be there to bring your mind peace and you’ll be able to forgive him. In time, you’ll forgive yourself as well.”

He sighed, “I’m sorry. I know talking about it too much is probably bad. I should try to focus on other things.” 

“That’s why we’re talking, isn’t it?”

“I know. Let’s just talk about something else...”

“Okay”, she started, “what have you been drinking?” 

“I don’t know...whiskey?” He pulled away for a moment to grab the bottle and offered it to her. She took a small sip.

“It’s...good?” 

“It’s not good”, he smiled. 

“You’re right”, she laughed, “It’s not good.”

Continuous motion.

His mind was made up. This was it - what needed to happen. The absolute continuity of motion. Home can be a person, too and if not a permanent home, a sublet would suffice. 

“I know”, he stated, ”if I’m not careful, I’ll start reminding myself of a certain guy I hate, who dealt with his problems by swallowing them. But if there’s one thing I know, it’s that the liquor does make me less afraid to do this.” 

He set the bottle back down and kissed her neck. She leaned her head to the side, opening herself up for more. Her skin was butter and she melted, smiling, trying to hide her excitement. But he could tell, and knowing that he was doing a good job only made him want to tease her more. Who knew he’d get this much pleasure from making somebody else squirm? She’d never experienced this, and even these little crumbs of affection had her gripping the back of his shirt. 

He’d begun to wonder what would happen if he took things further. Would she cry out? It was so easy. He slid her collar off her shoulder and kissed her neck again, then gently grabbed her face. He went in to kiss her but she stopped him, flustered, aware of how easily turned on she’d become.

“This would be...inappropriate...”, she muttered.

“Oh, I totally agree”, he slithered back, a crooked smile etched upon his face. 

She froze. A moment of silence passed between them. Did he just fuck up? 

“Okay, okay, you’re right. That was too much”, he shrugged as he turned around and headed back to his bed, “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It won’t happen again, I got the message.” 

He was a little surprised - after all, it really did seem like she had a crush, which was cute, though that feeling was quickly replaced by guilt. Ed had never been the type of man to go out on a limb and try to seduce anyone - he had his reservations, though now he only wished he’d kept his mouth shut. Maybe if he played his cards right, she wouldn’t think of him as a total creep, and things could go back to normal - and god, explaining this to Al will be embarrassing. He really did respect and care about her, but words have always fallen short with him and this was probably a bad start. It’s not exactly like they taught this in alchemy books. He stood at the side of his bed and began unbuttoning his shirt - this night just needed to be over already.

Three buttons down and a pair of warm hands covered his. He let go of the buttons, surprised, and she continued to disrobe him. She placed both hands on his stomach, running them up to his chest, hoping to cement in her mind the way his collar bones curved, the plateau of his sternum, the softness of his neck. She didn’t exactly know if this was a good idea, but she did know one thing - that she wanted to touch him, even if it was just for the night. Until she explored this side of him, that desire wouldn’t fade. 

Continuous motion.

Affection wasn’t something she knew about. She never really had a permanent home, a family, or friends like him before. It was so easy to want more. This entire time, she’d felt guilty for not knowing if another person’s kindness was romantic, friendliness, or both. Was this just impulsiveness? Would they regret this in the morning? She didn’t have anything else to compare it to. But then again, neither did he. 

Continuous motion.

He turned to face her. He’d never been touched this way before. Before he knew it, his hand had traveled to her body, back to where he left off. He inched his face closer to hers and she kissed him, pressing her body against his. She pulled away and slowly exhaled, resting her forehead to his.

“I gotta say, I’m surprised”, he joked, grinning ear to ear, “thought I was done for, Al would’ve never let me live the rejection down!”

She smirked, “no, you’re not done for...yet.”

“Mmmm, yet.” He eased himself onto his bed and she followed. Wow, she got cheeky fast. What happened to the shy woman she was a few hours ago? Looks like there’s a lot he still didn’t know about her, and he was eager to learn. He liked somebody who was willing to toy with him.

She straddled him and quietly asked, “a few minutes ago...is this how you were imagining it?”

His face flushed beet red. He turned his face to the side, huffing quietly, “I know you know, but you don’t have to say it...” 

She kissed him, softly biting his lip. 

He continued, “is that supposed to shut me up?” 

She didn’t say anything, but she could feel a pulsing mass underneath her, so she just let her hips slowly grind against his groin, adding more pressure with each rotation. He let out a quiet whimper. How embarrassing that he was already this hard. She probably thought him to be pathetic. At this rate, he wouldn’t last long and they’d barely started. It was time to take it into his own hands - he lifted her shirt over her head, exposing her bare chest. She pulled his hands to her breasts, wanting to be touched. She felt herself becoming more perverse as the night unfurled, unaware she herself was capable of it. It wasn’t the least bit embarrassing, however, and perhaps it was in part due to the built-up tension. This was fun. He could hear the clanking of metal as he played with her - she was unbuckling his belt. 

He stroked his finger around her nipples, teasing her, waiting for them to harden. She reached for the bottle of whiskey, took a swig, then doused her chest with it, not breaking eye contact. He threw her back on top of him and began slurping the liquor off of her breasts. She let out a cry. He hadn’t even touched her most sensitive areas yet. Could it really be this easy? He grabbed one of her breasts, licking one nipple while twisting the other. A bellied moan escaped her, begging him to continue. The noises just kept coming - he’d found her spot. He’d begun to wonder just how wet this was making her. 

“Not so quiet now, are we?”, he huffed, a smile ear to ear.  
He grabbed her skirt, waving the fabric, “you don’t need this anymore.”

She ripped it off while he explored between her legs. She’d nearly soaked through her underwear in some areas, and it was so warm. His fingers slid across her vulva, stopping on her clit. With three fingers and considerable pressure, he began to rub side to side. Oh, he was so tempted to finally penetrate her, but not until she came first. She shoved her panties to the side, allowing him entrance inside of her. He slid his middle and ring fingers inside of her, curling the fingers inside her towards her belly-button. Repeating the motion, salivating at how wet and soft she was. Her moans graduated to curse words. Gripping sheets, dripping thighs. He couldn’t possibly be harder. 

She panted, “mm, mmm...please, please, please, I want it.”

He kissed her belly, “don’t mind me...I’m just enjoying myself.”

“You’re evil”, she begged.

Ed smirked, “I’m just getting started.”

To his surprise, she pulled his fingers out. Unable to hide her eagerness, she crawled to the edge of the bed and began to pull his pants down. If he wasn’t going to fuck her, maybe this would change his mind. There was no point in teasing, he had already taken her too far. She lay on her stomach right next to his groin and stroked his shaft through his boxers. She’d wanted it for what felt like so long. He hyperventilated, wanting to close his eyes, but also wanting to watch. It was so hot - maybe he’d keep one eye open. She finally stripped away his underwear, looked at him with her big eyes, and gave his shaft a big, open-mouthed lick, a spit-trail falling from the roof of her mouth. He shuddered, unable to speak as she did it again and again, until he put the head in her mouth, began to suck, and jerked him with her hand simultaneously. He grabbed what he could of her hair, pulling it tightly.

“Haa, f-fuuuuuuuuuuck. ”

She flitted her tongue against his frenulum, then stuffed his shaft down her throat, playing with his testicles. He curled his toes. God! It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. The best part was, she knew exactly what he wanted. She was touching him after all, and he was drunk on it. She grinned at him, face smeared with spit before he guided her head back down. 

He managed a cheeky grin through all of the pleasure, “damn, you look good down there.”

“You still don’t wanna put it inside of me?”

“Show me what else you’ve got”, he flirted.

There was so much saliva in her mouth from going down on him. Spit spilled from her lips, trailing down her breasts. But she let it pool between her cleavage and rubbed it in, placing his shaft between her bust. Sucking the head, while stroking him with her breasts. She kept it up, proud of how good she was able to make him feel. How it came as no problem. A warm, fuzzy feeling radiated across his chest. He was getting close, and he’d clearly lost. She stopped, knowing she was about to get what she wanted. 

Ed sat up, grabbed her, and threw her on her back, spreading her legs open. Maybe next time, he’d have to tie her up. He wanted to focus on her more. He was supposed to be the one in control, to make her beg for it. He wanted her to want him so badly. Not the other way around. He crawled on top of her, planting a small kiss on her forehead, and stopping before slipping inside of her, displaying a huge grin. 

“You’re okay with this, right?”

Nodding, she grabbed his hips and pulled him inside of her, both of them melting into pleasure. Starting off with slow, long thrusts, he kissed her neck and shoulders. They could only have slow, sensual, “I care about you” sex for so long. Without much time passing, the thrusts got faster and deeper. She dug her nails into his upper back and dragged down as he shuddered from the pain, unaware he’d enjoy it so much. He sat up and threw her legs over his shoulders, switching positions, fucking her harder. Noah looked to her side, grabbing a pillow to bite into. They were breathing so heavily that they couldn’t even talk to each other, pulling each other in, touching each other, clinging to each other, making out, biting lips. They couldn’t possibly get any closer, but they were trying so hard.

And there it was, out of nowhere. Ed’s entire body shook, doubling over in pleasure, pumping fluid inside of her, touching her thighs, looking into her eyes. 

But the night was far from over. 

Ed moved both of her legs to his left one shoulder, handing them off to her to hold in place. Ed’s hands once again moved to her nipples, rubbing them as he thrusted. Penetrating her while his first load was inside her felt so dirty, but so hot at the same time. 

Jolts ran through Noah’s entire body. 

The pleasure radiated everywhere, but she could only let out an exasperated whisper, “Oh, god! Oh! I’m, I, I, I...” Her eyes rolled into the back of her head. 

Ed continued to thrust inside of her as her walls repeatedly contracted, new fluids surfacing to her vaginal opening. Her body continued to shake, and her orgasm didn’t let up. But Ed wasn’t done. He knew he could give her another one. It was hard to maneuver on this twin-sized bed though, and he wanted to fuck her without any distraction. 

“Bear with me”, he huffed as he stood up and motioned for her to follow. In one fell swoop, he ripped the mattress off of the bed frame and tossed it onto the ground, blankets and pillows following. He laid her down, intent on dominating her. She’d had her fun with him, and it was time for him to make a better impression on her. To her delight, he flipped her on her knees, bent her over, pulled her ass to his groin, and played with her before entering her once again. He could dig so deep inside of her in this position, holding onto her hips as she rocked them in circles. She put her hands on the wall for support, backing herself into him so well that he’d begun to wonder if maybe someone taught her that. But damn, he was getting close again. 

He flipped her on her back and dragged her hips back to his. He wanted to look into her eyes. They pulled each other in, scratched each other, and she clenched onto him, squeezing everything out of him. She was almost there again, too. Ed, exhausted, gave a few more strong pumps into her, causing her to orgasm again. The shaking of her entire body pushed him over the edge. He shuddered, filling her up a second time. It was day and night, and he was ready to fall asleep with her in his arms right there. Maybe finishing together was the real meaning of life.

They laid there in exasperated, sweaty, comfortable silence. His arms embraced her as he struggled to catch his breath. There they were. Naked, on a mattress on the floor, watching the ceiling fan run in circles. Experiencing life from the ground up, like always, going in circles, traveling endlessly, making mistakes. Maybe this was another one, but hopefully not. 

She looked at him, “so, how’d it feel?”

“Like going home.”

She rested her head back on his chest, “yeah.”

There was so much she wanted to ask him, to talk to him about. To touch him, see him, know him, to know he’s not going anywhere. Happiness and the fleeting anxiety of harnessing it long-term, the question lingered in the air. What happened now? She turned to him.

“So-”

He looked at her.

“I don’t...know what you want. But, that was...nice. So I have to ask you...” she paused, embarrassed. “A-After all of that, all of this - we’re not going to be strangers again?”

“I don’t know. I can’t see the future.”

She frowned, disappointed in his choice of words.

“I’m sorry. I mean that in the most honest way. If you’re asking me if things will go back to how they were before...no. I don’t want them to. Right now, laying here with you? That’s all I want. But longer-term? I don’t know. I don’t know where I’ll be a year from now, let alone the both of us. I can’t make you any promises.” 

“You know, you can run from one place to another as many times as you like, but at the end of the day, you’re still left with yourself and the choices you’ve made.” It probably wasn’t wise for her to let herself be so upset with him, but she had just been so vulnerable. Was she misunderstanding his words?

He understood where her anger was coming from. Under no circumstances did he want this to be a one-time thing, he just didn’t want to rush into something serious without proceeding cautiously.  
He took a deep breath.

“There are a lot of things I ruined because I rushed into them without thinking. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you, it doesn’t mean I don’t find you attractive. This is me saying that I do want to see where this goes. But we won’t know where it’s going until we try it out. ”

He paused, he’d been rambling. He looked at her, “Is that okay?”

“Okay, I understand that.”

He peppered kisses onto her forearm, smiling, “besides, you’ll probably get sick of me soon anyway.”

She smiled and looked down, somewhat sad. “Maybe, probably not. I’ll be honest, it’s slightly scary going into this blindly. I suppose that’s to be expected.” 

She looked to the ceiling fan. 

Ed paused, thinking of a way to make her feel more confident in the situation. It’s not like he’d do this with just anybody. He was proud to have her at his side, for however long this would last. He would make sure she knew that. His eyes caught the cover of a book on the floor, Frankenstein. 

“What were you afraid of when you were little?”, he asked.

Noah giggled, “I was afraid of everything. Growing up, we were told Roma fairytales, and they’re nothing like what you tell children here. They were actually scary. I was afraid of the creatures who’d hide in places that smelled of death, waiting to drag children and young women inside. Afraid of the creatures that would swallow the sun and make it dark forever.”

“And are you still afraid of them?”, he continued.

“No, I was just a child. Why?”

“Throughout history, there have been creatures that weren’t real, but different people and different cultures created meaning and fear behind those creatures. And it made them come in at night, it's how they brought their kids in. But they’re all fictional creatures. They’re not real.”

He grabbed her hand. 

“So, hey. I know you’re terrified of a bunch of things like me leaving, or me not being interested in you anymore, but that’s just as fictional as those types of monsters. I know you want to know whether or not the things we’re terrified of are worth it.”

“And you don’t have the answer right now”, she concluded.

“I don’t have the answer right now. It’s an answer we need to come up with together.”

She’d finally gotten an answer she was satisfied with. They could continue living together, live out their lives together, and that would be enough. If it didn’t work out, it would be in their best interest to just be friends, and that would be okay.

Noah closed her eyes, let out a long exhale, and a soft smile curled at her lips. “There is nobody else on the planet I’d rather be laying here, naked on the floor with. And soon we’ll get to put this bed back together, and I’ll want to do that with you, too.”

“Exactly!”, Ed exclaimed, a massive grin across his face. “I’m thinking...we probably don’t have to worry about the bed right now. How about we get dressed and grab some dinner? That way I can take you out on a real date. That probably should’ve happened first. Sorry.”

She laughed, “It's okay. Yes, let’s get food.” 

They stood up and redressed. The sound of metal scraping - a key turning a lock, echoed through the small apartment. Alphonse had come home. That was close! Making their way to the front door, Ed and Noah passed glances as if giggling at an inside joke. Al walked inside.

“Hey, Al. We were just gonna grab something to eat. Do you want us to bring you anything back?”

“No, I already ate. Thanks though.”

“Alright, see you.”

Before closing the door, a voice yelled from the doorway, “why is the mattress on the floor!?”

They stepped outside and Noah burst into laughter as Ed covered his face, red with embarrassment. It’d probably take Al a total of ten seconds to piece everything together, but it was worth it. She grabbed his hand, ready to venture into something delicate and daunting, but wonderful. 

For the human mind, the absolute continuity of motion is inconceivable. The laws of motion of any kind only become comprehensible to man when he examines units of this motion, arbitrarily selected. But at the same time, it is from this arbitrary division of continuous motion into discontinuous units that a great number of human errors proceeds.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading<3  
> This was the first fic I've actually finished lol. Let me know what you think! This was intended to be a one-shot, but I'll continue the story or write a different fic if y'all are interested.


End file.
